Healing the Inner Child
Healing the inner child is essential to overcoming the effects of shame. John Bradshaw’s book “The Shame That Holds You Back” offers a deep understanding of how shame is acquired in childhood and how it continues to affect us in our adult lives. Among other things, he offers several techniques for reconnecting with our wounded inner child and resolving our shame.
Bradshaw emphasizes the importance of recognizing the effects of childhood shame, which can result in a disconnection from our authentic selves. Shame can make us feel unworthy, inadequate, and hesitant about intimacy, leading to low self-esteem and negative self-talk. To address this problem, Bradshaw suggests various techniques, including a meditation technique that can help us connect with our inner child.
Meditation involves visualizing yourself as a young person and sitting with your inner child, offering love and compassion. We can ask our inner child what it needs from us and listen to the answers that emerge. Through this process, we can begin to build a sense of connection and trust with our inner child, which can lead to greater self-acceptance and healing.
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The meditation technique described in the book is as follows:
- Find a quiet and comfortable place where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie down in a relaxed position.
- Take several deep breaths, inhaling deeply through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth.
- Visualize yourself as a child. See yourself at a young age, perhaps around 5 or 6 years old.
- Imagine yourself sitting with your younger self, offering love and support. You can put your hand on your younger self’s shoulder or hold their hand or hug them.
- Ask your inner child what they need from you. Listen to their answers without judging or criticizing.
- Offer love and reassurance to your inner child. Tell them they are loved and that you are there to protect and support them.
- Spend as much time as you need with your inner child, offering them love, compassion and support.
- When you are ready to end the meditation, take a few deep breaths and gradually return to the present moment.
The Gordon Method, another technique, is a communication strategy for addressing problematic behaviors without shaming or blaming.
The method, developed by psychologist Thomas Gordon, involves four steps:
- Describe the behavior objectively and without judgment.
- Express the impact of the behavior on others without blaming or shaming the child.
- Invite the child to come up with solutions to the problem and encourage their involvement in the problem-solving process.
- Recognize and appreciate the child’s efforts and progress.
In addition to the meditation technique, Bradshaw also explores the concept of re-parenting. He explains that re-parenting involves providing emotional support, validation, and nurturing that we may have missed in childhood. By learning to give ourselves what we needed as children, we can heal the wounds of shame and develop a greater sense of self-esteem and self-love.
Re-parenting involves recognizing unmet needs and feelings that we experienced as children, such as feeling unheard, unloved, or unsupported. Once we have identified these needs, we can work on providing the emotional support and validation that we missed as children. For example, if we felt unheard as a child, we can practice listening to our own inner voice and validating our own thoughts and feelings.
Bradshaw also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion in the re-parenting process. She explains that self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than judgment or criticism. By practicing self-compassion, we can begin to develop a more positive relationship with ourselves and heal the wounds of shame.
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