Attachment Styles

Early interactions are shaped by experiences with primary caregivers, laying the foundation for our adult relationship patterns. Let’s take a look at the different attachment styles that often emerge from these formative experiences.

In the secure attachment realm, individuals typically reflect a sense of autonomy and emotional resilience. Growing up, they likely had caregivers who were attuned to their needs, fostering healthy connections. As adults, they independently manage emotions and communicate effectively in relationships, embodying a model of autonomy and mutual understanding.

In contrast, insecure or avoidant attachment stems from childhood with emotionally excluded caregivers. This distance is reflected in adulthood as a struggle to connect their inner emotional world with external relationships. Such individuals may experience challenges in recognizing social and emotional cues, creating a sense of emotional distance.

Let’s move on to insecure-anxious attachment, which stems from experiences where caregivers put their own needs ahead of the child’s, leading to unpredictability and instability. In adulthood, this translates into a tendency to prioritize other people’s emotions over their own. These individuals often take on the role of caregiver, finding comfort in the well-being of others to establish their own sense of security.

Ambivalent attachment style occurs when there is a mismatch between the needs of the child and the caregiver, with caregivers often prioritizing their own needs over the child’s. In childhood, this can result in unpredictable and inconsistent responses to the child’s needs, which creates a sense of insecurity. In adulthood, this can be reflected in a tendency to become overwhelmed by their own emotional needs, seeking validation and support from others. People with an ambivalent style often face challenges in regulating their own emotions, often seeking external validation to feel more secure.

Finally, we encounter insecure and disorganized attachment that stems from chaotic childhoods marked by neglect, depression, trauma, or abuse. Adults with this attachment style may struggle with an internal conflict between a desire for connection and a persistent uncertainty about the security of relationships. Their emotional landscape is often marked by confusing emotions and difficulty distinguishing between security and danger in relationships.

Understanding these attachment styles provides insight into our relational tendencies that transcend different aspects of our lives. Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences and consider how these patterns may affect your interactions at work, in friendships, and in romantic relationships. This awareness is key to unraveling and reshaping these relational styles.

Based on Rudiger Dahlke’s book – Illness as a Path

*Key words: attachment styles, gestalt psychotherapy, somatic experiencing therapy, psychotherapist Zagreb

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