Narcissistic parents and the impact on their child
Narcissistic parents, especially mothers, have a deep and lasting impact on their child, regardless of their gender. These mothers often dominate the relationship, placing their own needs, desires and expectations before the needs of their children, and this has long-term consequences for the emotional development of their sons and daughters. Although the root of the problem may appear similar, the consequences manifest themselves differently in men and women, especially when it comes to their love lives and overall functioning in life.
Impact on sons
The sons of narcissistic mothers often grow up feeling that they are never good enough. Such a mother may experience her son as a reflection of herself, which often leads to her placing unrealistic expectations on him or making allowances for his feelings. A narcissistic mother may be emotionally cold or restrict her love for her son only if he fulfills her standards and desires.
As a result, many sons of narcissistic mothers develop low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. In adulthood, they may struggle with the challenges of building an independent identity. They may seek validation of their worth through achievements or in romantic relationships. Due to the deep-rooted feeling that they must somehow be “accepted” or “liked” in order to have value, they are prone to falling into an unhealthy relationship in which they are overly submissive and ready to please their partner regardless of their own needs. Such men often attract partners who are emotionally manipulative, as they recognize the relationship dynamic in which they must “earn” love.
On the other hand, some sons of narcissistic mothers may develop narcissistic tendencies themselves, imitating their mother’s behavior as a way of dealing with their own insecurities. Such men can become dominant in relationships, expecting their partners to satisfy their emotional needs, while ignoring the needs of their partner.
Impact on the child
The consequences for narcissistic mothers are also serious, but they manifest themselves differently. It often happens that the mother establishes a relationship of hostility with her child, projecting her unfulfilled desires or her own insecurities onto her. A narcissistic mother may constantly criticize her child, creating the feeling that the child will never be good enough. In this way, the child becomes the victim of a toxic cycle in which it strives to obtain its mother’s recognition and love, but never fully obtains them.
In romantic relationships, these women often choose partners who confirm the negative image they have of themselves. Children of narcissistic mothers often have low self-esteem and believe they have to “earn” love. They tend to have relationships with partners who are emotionally unavailable or who treat them with contempt, which only reinforces the feeling of inadequacy. Furthermore, they can develop boundary issues, feeling guilty when expressing their own needs because they grew up in an environment where their needs were ignored.
However, there is also a counter-reaction in some women who have grown up with narcissistic mothers. One can become extremely self-sufficient, emotionally distant and with difficulties in trusting others. This is a defense mechanism that they develop in order to avoid experiencing emotional rejection and hurt again.
Life and love consequences
Both groups – sons and daughters – often carry these traits into their adult lives, especially in the context of romantic relationships. They tend to fall into toxic relationships in which they seek narcissistic partners who will control and manipulate them, or they themselves become emotionally unavailable partners. People who have grown up with narcissistic parents often struggle with the feeling that they do not deserve love or healthy emotional connection, making them vulnerable to repeated destructive parenting.
Sons often seek validation through achievement or supportive partners, while daughters often enter relationships in which they assume the role of “savior” or “victim,” taking responsibility for their partner’s emotional state.
How to resolve this conflict
Dealing with the consequences of growing up with a narcissistic mother requires a lot of work on oneself, often with the help of therapy. The first step is to recognize the problem – to understand that the behavior, feelings of insecurity and tendency to toxic relationships come from childhood, and not from a personal “sin.” Therapy is key because it helps to separate an authentic identity from inherited education.
Through therapy, the sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers can learn how to set healthy boundaries and recognize their own needs, rather than simply satisfying the needs of others. Furthermore, it is important to work on developing self-respect and self-esteem in order to free oneself from the deeply rooted feeling of guilt and shame. The therapeutic process often involves learning how to recognize and avoid manipulative partners and relationships and developing healthy, reciprocal relationships.
Apart from therapy, it is extremely important to establish a support network that includes friends and partners who provide emotional security, not just the validation of deeply rooted negative beliefs. People who have grown up with narcissistic parents often need to learn how to trust again and connect with others in a way that does not involve a constant need for validation of their own worth.
After all, recovery is a process, but it is not impossible. By recognizing their past, setting boundaries and creating healthy emotional connections, the sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers can step out from the shadow of their parents and build a fulfilled life based on their own authenticity and worth.
*Key words: Narcissistic parents, impact, somatic experiencing therapy, psychotherapist Zagreb, gestalt therapy
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*Za firme: Kreativni Direktor
