Let Go – Do you struggle with the concept of “letting go”?

Let Go. Perhaps you’ve been told to “just let go” of past hurts, resentments, or attachments to outcomes, as if simply deciding to release these things should immediately free you from their impact. Maybe you’ve tried to force yourself to “let go” through sheer willpower, only to find the grip of difficult emotions, thoughts, or situations unchanged despite your conscious intention to release them. If letting go feels like an impossible or confusing instruction, you’re not alone—and there might be a fundamental misunderstanding about what this process actually involves.

The common misconception about letting go

Frames it as a single, decisive act of release—something you simply choose to do in a moment of clarity or determination. This perspective overlooks the reality that significant letting go is rarely an event but rather a process that unfolds gradually through specific psychological and emotional stages. True release often requires first acknowledging and fully experiencing what you’re holding, understanding its purpose in your life, and creating conditions where letting go becomes possible through integration rather than forced abandonment.

Your body holds onto experiences and attachments

For specific reasons that mere conscious intention cannot override. You might notice physical tension or constriction in areas associated with what you’re trying to release—perhaps tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, or tension in your shoulders or jaw. These somatic patterns aren’t random but reflect how experiences and attachments become embodied, creating physical holding that mirrors and maintains psychological grip. True letting go involves acknowledging and working with these bodily patterns rather than trying to think your way past them.

The most counterintuitive aspect of authentic release

Is that it often begins not with pushing something away but with allowing it to be more fully present. When you’ve been struggling against difficult emotions, resisting painful truths, or fighting to change circumstances beyond your control, the initial movement of letting go involves surrendering to what is—not in resignation but in acknowledgment of reality as it currently exists. This acceptance doesn’t mean approval or permanence but creates the foundation for genuine release by ending the exhausting struggle against what already is.

What makes letting go particularly challenging

Is how it’s often framed as something you should be able to do immediately if you’re spiritually evolved or emotionally mature. This creates shame around the very natural process of gradually working through attachment, leading many people to pretend they’ve let go while actually suppressing or avoiding what they’re still holding. True release includes honoring the legitimate reasons you’ve been holding on—the protection, meaning, or identity that attachment has provided—rather than dismissing these as weakness or immaturity.

Healing Exercise #1: The Compassionate Inventory Practice

Take time to identify what you’ve been trying to “let go” of—perhaps resentment toward someone who hurt you, attachment to a specific outcome, or grief about a loss. For each item, explore these questions without judgment: What has holding onto this provided for me? How has it protected me or given me a sense of control? What would feel vulnerable or frightening about releasing it? This compassionate exploration helps honor the legitimate reasons for holding on, creating space for authentic release rather than forced abandonment.

Healing Exercise #2: The Somatic Holding Awareness

Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes and bring to mind something you’ve been trying to let go of. Notice where and how this shows up in your body—perhaps as tension, constriction, heaviness, or numbness in specific areas. Place a hand on this area and simply breathe into it without trying to change the sensation. Say to yourself: “I acknowledge how my body has been holding this. I honor the wisdom in this holding.” This practice helps integrate the embodied aspect of attachment that intellectual approaches to letting go often ignore.

Healing Exercise #3: The Gradual Release Visualization

Rather than imagining letting go as dropping something entirely all at once, visualize it as a process of gradually loosening your grip. Close your eyes and imagine whatever you’re holding as something in your clenched hand. Instead of forcing your hand open completely, picture slowly reducing the tension in your grip—perhaps allowing a tiny bit more space around what you’re holding, slightly shifting how you’re carrying it, or simply acknowledging that you could set it down when you’re ready without actually doing so yet. This visualization honors letting go as a process rather than an event, reducing the pressure to achieve immediate complete release.

Healing your relationship with letting go

Involves understanding that authentic release emerges from integration rather than avoidance. When difficult emotions, thoughts, or attachments are fully acknowledged and allowed to move through you rather than being resisted or suppressed, they naturally begin to loosen their grip. This process can’t be forced or accelerated beyond its natural rhythm, but it can be supported through practices that create safety for gradual release rather than demanding immediate abandonment.

Your physical practices play a crucial role in authentic letting go.

Many traditional approaches focus exclusively on mental or spiritual aspects of release while ignoring how attachments and resistance live in the body. Practices that invite physical release—perhaps gentle stretching focused on areas of tension, conscious relaxation of habitually contracted muscles, or movement that allows emotional energy to flow through rather than remain stuck in the body—support the somatic dimension of letting go that purely cognitive approaches often miss.

Relationships provide important context for this process

Though in ways that might differ from common advice. While unhealthy attachments to others sometimes require clear boundaries or separation, many forms of letting go happen within continuing relationships rather than through their ending. This might involve releasing expectations about how someone “should” behave, surrendering the need to control their choices, or allowing a relationship to evolve rather than demanding it remain unchanged. These relational forms of letting go often prove more challenging yet more transformative than simply cutting ties.

Remember that authentic letting go isn’t about forcing yourself to release what you’re not ready to release.

It’s about creating conditions where natural release becomes possible through full acknowledgment, integration, and the gradual development of new ways of relating to difficult experiences. As you practice this more compassionate and grounded approach to letting go, you may discover that what once seemed impossible to release gradually transforms—not through force or spiritual bypassing, but through the genuine healing that comes from honoring your experience exactly as it is while remaining open to its natural evolution.

Keywords: Let Go, polyvagal theory, gestalt therapy, psychotherapy, parents, parental trauma, somatic experiencing
Contact us: Feel and Heal Therapy Office